To tell the story of the birth of my son, I first need to talk a bit of the experience giving birth to my daughter, who is now a toddler. For both of them I had wished for a water birth with minimal intervention. But just to be on the safe side (due to me being over 40 and both of them conceived via IVF) I decided on both occasions to give birth in hospitals that had birthing pools. With my daughter, in the end I got induced, panicked, got an epidural and gave birth on my back in a bed. All went well, our baby girl was healthy and I was utterly in love, but the birth itself was not what I had been wishing for.
How I prepared for the second birth
This time I wanted my birth experience to be different and more self-determined, if possible. So for my second birth – now in the UK - I decided to get a doula to help me manage my panic and fears, to support me, and to help with my toddler during and after birth (since we had no family close by to look after her). To hire a doula was one of my best decisions, as she helped me to understand my rights and to make informed choices. We made a detailed birth plan. This made me feel much calmer and confident. I also went back to look at some of the hypnobirthing lessons I took with my firstborn.
Being an older mother with IVF conception, the medical system viewed me as “high risk” (despite being healthy and having an uncomplicated pregnancy), so I was in the care of the doctors, not just the midwifery. One doctor told me early on in my pregnancy that I had to be induced at my due date or I would need to go to another hospital. He made it sound like I had no choice, but luckily my doula helped me understand that he just recited the general policy and that in the end the choice was mine. There were many other occasions where thanks to having good information provided by my doula, I could stand up for myself in discussions with the doctors. And despite being “high risk”, I insisted on intermittent monitoring and no doctors during birth unless urgently needed. The hospital honoured these requests.
Water Breaking
My baby boy did not want to wait until his due date though – but he did keep us in suspense. My water broke about a week before the due date on a Tuesday afternoon. First I thought it was just drops of pee, as I had had problems holding urine in the last part of the pregnancy. But the dribble was steady, clear, and just felt … different. As soon as I realized that my water was slowly breaking, I got really excited, as it usually means birth is imminent. There was no pain, no fear, just happy anticipation. I took a warm shower and the amniotic fluid then came gushing out. Overjoyed, I told my husband, got my hospital bag ready and went on a forest walk – waiting for contractions to begin.
The hours passed, but nothing happened. No labour. I felt fine, but my husband wanted to go for a check at the hospital anyway. I talked to my doula, who prepared for me that they will be pushing me for an induction and supplied me with reading material on the pros and cons of waiting. In the late evening we went to the hospital. They checked me and the baby: all was well. I was advised to induce if labour did not start within 24 hours.
Day 1
During the night and the entire next day, nothing happened. We went to another check-up at the hospital that afternoon. They asked me to come in the next morning for an induction – which I really did not want to do. At this point the happy anticipation of Tuesday turned into a bit of frustration. I prayed for labour to start soon and actually had a few contractions in the night between 1am and 3am, which were short and wide apart. And then they vanished. Nothing happened again.
Day 2
I cancelled the induction in the morning as my nightly contractions gave me hope. But I did feel anxious at the same time. Am I risking my baby’s health? I talked to my doula and my husband about my fears, read more on induction and statistics on natural labour after water breaking, tried some Yoga, more nature walks, mindfulness and came to the conclusion that I still want to wait, as long as the check-up holds no surprises. At the hospital that evening, the doctors strongly pushed for an induction as my water breaking was more than 48 hours ago, but the midwife was really supportive of my choice since there were no signs of infection. I left the hospital again, but agreed to an induction the next day.
Day 3
It was the third night since my water broke and - again - nothing had happened. I felt very disappointed and was ready to get this dreaded induction in the afternoon. But around noon I felt a clear contraction, and another 45 minutes later. So I cancelled the induction again. A friend of my husband gave me advice to visualise my baby, its smell, its feel and to sing to it. That’s what I did and my contractions became regular around 3pm. I used the TENs machine for the pain, but did not want to go to the hospital yet – afraid all progress might be lost. When we called our doula, she helped me with the pain through acupressure and suggested to leave for the hospital soon. So more than 72 hours after my water broke I was finally in labour and in the hospital ready to give birth.
How the actual birth went
In the hospital things went really fast. The staff checked me shortly after arrival and I was 7cm dilated already, so we went to the room with the pool. I started using gas for pain management (no epidural!) – and the water felt so soothing. My doula at some point asked if I wanted her to switch with my husband, who was outside with my toddler taking a walk somewhere. I said no and asked her to stay. The energy at this all female birth was amazing and I felt I needed nothing or nobody else.
At some point the midwife became concerned about the baby’s heartbeat and asked me to leave the pool. I asked to wait for one more contraction, but there was no change – and so I got out and climbed on the bed – but I stayed on all fours this time. There was talk of forceps and needing a doctor, which I both really did not want. So with the next contraction I gave it my all, feeling like I could move mountains with will and body combined. And without any external help, his head came out, followed by his body on the next push. My boy was born about two hours after I came to the hospital.
What happened after birth
To hold my newborn baby gave me a rush of thankfulness and happiness. I was immediately in love. And I felt proud that I did it 95% as planned – no induction, no epidural, nearly a water birth, no doctors (except for fixing a tear) and no birth on my back in a bed. I took medication to birth the placenta, as I felt I was done and did not want to wait.
Since my water had broken more than 72 hours before birth, they asked us to stay 24 hours for observation. I agreed, actually happy to stay in the birth bubble longer and rest up. But that night I could not find much sleep: I just marvelled at this little creature in my arms as we started our breastfeeding journey and could not take my eyes off him. We got released the next day, both happy and healthy. This took place more than six months ago – and I am still marvelling at him and feeling utterly thankful.
People say that your pregnancy and birth are teaching you lessons about yourself. For me there were three powerful messages: I can ask for help (getting a doula was a really good choice), I can trust my body and instincts, and I am stronger than I thought. Thank you for reading my story.
Kay 2024
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