Your Birth Story 10 - My Second Home Birth

It was my second time being pregnant. The birth of my first born had gone really well, as planned, at home. Weirdly, I thought this would have given me more confidence to birth at home a second time, but instead, I felt a kind of pressure almost, to have a similar birth again.

I started to have doubts. What if it went so well the first time, because it was a fluke? Maybe it was because my first born was only 6 pounds and 14 ounces? Maybe I didn’t have the strength, physically and mentally, the second time round? As the weeks went on, my doubts grew.

I reached the pinnacle of doubt at around 41 weeks. I was getting to the point where I was being offered induction and, typically, we had a power outage at home that lasted a few days. Great, how would I have a home birth with no power? It didn’t seem like anything was going in our favour and the only thing I could do was laugh. And, out of nowhere, I just accepted that whatever would be, would be. If this was my destiny, then so be it. These were the cards I had been dealt and I’d work with it. But, I didn’t go into labour then and the power came back on.

At 42 weeks, we were offered to go into hospital for regular monitoring of the baby. I was very heavy and tired by this point and not sleeping great. I’d noticed that I’d had back pains for a few days and I’d had a show, so figured this might be early labour starting slowly. But the contractions didn’t show up on monitoring so I started to doubt myself. I mean, surely something would show up on the monitor if I was in labour?

They offered me a balloon induction and described it as a natural-like type of induction. Thankfully, my doula had taught me to ask questions, so I’d asked what the care pathway was for an induction. Turns out, if the balloon induction didn’t work, they’d then have to medically induce and if that didn’t work, they give me a c-section. Thank goodness I asked, because I knew this was a path I didn’t want to go down and so, I refused.

I did explain my symptoms to the midwives, the back pain, the show, feeling of being uncomfortable, but they seemed to bat this off and were keen on offering induction. The pressure felt like it was mounting. I was 15 days late now and friends and family were asking if I was in labour yet and surely I would be induced? More doubt set in. I felt like my body was in early labour, but then, why wasn’t it showing on the monitor? What happens if the baby didn’t come? What was my cut off?

We went home. I needed to relax. Getting worked up wasn’t going to help. People would just have to wait. And I needed to unwind. I made a cuppa, lit some candles and curled up on the sofa, reading a book. An hour passed. And then, it started. A pang. I stood up and walked to the shed to get my husband and then, boom, a contraction. Yep, the baby was coming.

I phoned the midwifery unit and told them. They didn’t seem to believe that I was in labour. My contractions were only lasting 30 seconds maximum, so they said ‘Are you sure your in labour?’, ‘You don’t seem like your in labour?’, ‘Do you really need a midwife?’. That seed of doubt again started to pop up, but, NO. Enough. My body was telling me and I knew my truth. No more doubt, my body was shouting at me and I was going to listen to it. So, I asked them to send a midwife.

And luckily, I did. Three hours later, my baby girl was born, at 9 pounds and 4 ounces. Much bigger than my first born and yet, still, an uncomplicated home birth. My body yet again had shown me that I could do it. I didn’t need to doubt myself anymore, I was capable. I was enough.

Giving birth has been life changing for me. It has taught how to trust myself and my body. I hope that, in the future, when I’m riddled with doubt again, I can look back on the birth of my girls and draw strength from knowing myself completely and trusting my body. No matter how much doubt my brain throws at me, I CAN do anything, acceptance is key. I simply have to trust myself and believe.

KC 2024